Just follow me on Twitter

Yeah, I just don't have time to blog anymore. I already have to blog at work, I Twitter at work, I do all of this other Web 2.0 bullshit that honestly has me too drained to keep running this personal blog, at least for now. But, y'all can follow my exploits on my personal Twitter, which is honestly much easier than writing whole blog posts. And perhaps more interesting. Check me out:

@mdoodly

only the lonely

Scott's in Hong Kong until next Sunday. I of course enter "waaah lonely ooh scared of noises" mode, as I do every time he travels. Its just what I do. Just me and mr. coops, hangin out, watching tv (right now I'm flipping back and forth between the Intervention marathon on A&E and the Jon & Kate Plus 8 marathon on uh...TLC...sadly I don't know which show is more fucked up). In a way i'm glad I have to work tomorrow because I don't quite know what to do with myself.

In other news, reading a very interesting new book by Dr. Drew about celebrities and narcissim. I actually had heard an interview he did on the Howard Stern show because one of the people on the show is apparently an off-the-charts narcissist. Heh. So anyways, I saw it sitting at the library and thought hey, why not. At the end of the book is the narcissim test, so when I'm done I'm going to take it and see how badly I need therapy.

I made some really good chicken the other day. I marinated it with Chinese 5-spice powder (which I'm kind of obsessed with), some vegetable oil, for like 24 hours. Then I roasted the chicken in the oven. My god, its really good. I've been putting it on salad, in pasta, whatev. Its just fuckin good.

I really want to try one of those Wendy's twisted frosty things.

Has anyone seen the infomercial for the Bullet Express by the makers of that Magic Bullet thing? My god, I really want it. Really really really bad. Its like a food processor and stand mixer all in one! ooooeee!

Stupid post.

the most ridculous soup recipe ever

So, as previously stated, I make my own vegetable soup. Its really easy, healthy, and good to do when it’s a chilly day. Then I put it in those handy dandy Ziploc “Tupperware” pieces of shit and take them to work. Here’s basically what I do, though you can do whatever you want and you honestly can’t fuck it up. If I don’t fuck it up, you won’t.

Chop 1 medium sized yellow onion. Sauté in big ol’ soup pot with about ½ tsp red pepper flakes and 2 tbsp olive oil. Olive oil is good for you. Use it. Sometimes if I'm feeling crazy I chop up a few pieces of bacon and brown them first, then put in the onion. I rarely have bacon, but uhhh its good. Or, as the Barefoot Contessa would say, "how bad can THAT be?"

After about 5 minutes, salt (KOSHER!) and pepper (FRESHLY GROUND!) the onion. Do not salt your onion right away, it draws out too much water and then your onions will steam. Ick. This ain't White Castle.

Then, add ¾ cup chopped carrots and ½ cup pretty finely chopped celery. I hate celery, and the only way I’ll eat it is if it’s cooked into the soup so it has no texture or flavor anymore. That’s also why I only use ½ cup and chop it nice and small. (Secrets Revealed: i have no idea if its 1/2 or 3/4 or whatever cup. I'm just guessing. add whatever amount you damn well please).

After about 5 more minutes, add in minced garlic. Just use as much garlic as you want. I used like…4 cloves. I love garlic. Oh yeah, I also threw in a chopped zucchini, cause I had one. Sometimes I chop up a potato too and add it in. Whatever you like, honestly.

Then, after a few minutes I added about 1.5 tbsp of tomato paste and some more S&P. I use the tomato paste that comes in the tube that you just put the cap on and refrigerate. Me likey. Cook that into the veggies for a couple minutes. You might notice your pot getting a bit dry, no?

Add ¼-ish or whatever cup of red wine. You can also add white. Just add something that doesn’t taste like ass. That’s called “deglazing” or some shit. Wine is key to my soup. Just like butter is key to my pasta sauce. KEYS. KEYS KEYS. I'm tired. Anyways...

Cook for a few minutes until the pot becomes nearly dry again. Then add 1 cup of crushed tomatoes. Or whatever can of tomatoes you have on hand. If you don’t like tomato-ey vegetable soup, omit the tomatoes. Duh. Keep the paste though.

At this point, start adding in chicken broth. I buy that stuff in the carton, the Progresso one is good. Buy LOW SODIUM CHICKEN BROTH, for the love of god.

So I usually start with half the carton, and see how watery or chunky I want my soup to be. At this point, if you happen to only have had 2 cups of broth (like, 1/2 carton); add about a cup of water. If not, I add 1 more cup of broth. Cook for 20 minutes, low heat, half covered. Then taste it to see if you have enough S&P. At this point I typically add more S, typically not P. Add whatever you want. Notice a theme?

I usually cook this soup on very low heat for about an hour more, covered. At some point I may throw in some cannelini beans, if I have them. So its kinda like minestrone. Whatever the fuck you wanna call it, its just soup with vegetables.

When I serve it, I often throw in some leftover pasta that I have sitting in the fridge, cause for some reason I always seem to have leftover pasta in the fridge. If you cook the pasta in the soup, it will be fine the first time around you eat it, but since you’re making this to divide and reheat at lunch, it will eventually turn to mush. Trust. It will also soak up your liquid.

I can imagine that NO ONE will make this soup, because this really is the most ridiculous soup recipe ever.

delicious, tasty, and not horrifically bad for you food items

In my quest to eat healthier (uhhh and drop some poundage off my fat ass but I'm going to be broad here and just say its a quest to eat healthier so when I end up not losing weight I don't feel like a huge asshole), I have found a couple things that are pretty delish, and as the title of my post says, not horrifically bad for you. And because I'm mawesome (meaning MAJORLY AWESOME, use it in a sentence this week), I'm even going to put links in here to the items, so its kinda like a pop-up book! My god, my creativity astounds me.

#1: the Mel McShmuffin. Heheheh I'm clever. So I use a 100 calorie english muffin (good source of fiber, and I am like, all into fiber lately), toast it. Then I take an omelet pan, spray it with Pam Olive Oil Spray (don't get the shitty stuff, cause it sucks), heat it, and then pour in 1/4 cup or so of egg white from le carton. Use some S&P. cook it. Then take out a slice of 1% american cheese ***sitenote: ok, the finding products and linking to them is becoming a real big chore here, so I'm going to stop. you 3 readers are smart, you can figure out what the fuck i'm talking about*** and put it on the english muffin that just came out of the toaster all like toasty and shit. Put the hot egg on it. I then wrap it up in a paper towel and eat it in the car cause I'm hood like that. I'm telling you, its really good and like, 200 calories for breakfast that will actually make you full for hours.

#2: Kashii Roasted Vegetable Crackers spread with contents of 1 Laughing Cow Garlic & Herb Light Cheese Wedge. DELICIOUSOSOOSOOS. Kashii also has REALLY good cheese crackers, kind of like a healthy version of cheeze-its. not the same, but really good.

#3. Fiber One products. I told you about my fiber thing, I'm all nuts about it. Their BEST Products are the Fiber One bars - Oats & Chocolate and their muffin mixes, where I substitute the eggs with egg whites. I make them into mini shmuffins. Real tasty treats. I DO NOT like Fiber One yogurt.

#4. This is not a recipe, but the new Healthy Choice Asian Potstickers meal. I fucking hate frozen meals, and sometimes its a necessity at lunch. But this shit is GOOD. Like, for serious. Go buy one and you tell me if I'm wrong. Cause I'm not. Boo yah.

#5. I was going to type out the recipe for my "Random Ass Vegetable Soup" but I'm kind of tired, and its hard to type out because I don't actually have a recipe, I just make shit up. But its good for you, so I figured I would share it with you 3. Perhaps tomorrow.

Another Amazing Website

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

Trust.

More progress

Well, I'm nearing the finish line...I think...

Here's a photo of where I stand as of today:

As you can see, the pile is nearly as tall as my garbage can. Now that's quite impressive.

And I must show you the awesomely awesome tool that has helped me get all of these damn recipes into a binder:

Its an automated 3-hole punch. So all I do is shove a whole pile of my cut-out recipe pages into the thing, and it punches all the holes for me! It is SUPER SUPER cool. Scott just happened to see it sitting in his office and brought it home for me to use. I am inclined to not return it, but I mean honestly how many things can I 3-hole punch?

Sigh. I'm tired of slicing and dicing up my magazines. But its good, because I'm getting rid of clutter, and I get to look back through all of these super delicious looking recipes that I totally forgot even existed. Hopefully I can now spice up my cooking routine! Weeeeeeee!

Getting rid of waste

No, not a blog post about six sigma or lean process improvement or something fucking lame. It's all about how I'm finally going through my massive piles of food & cooking magazines and cutting out the recipes I actually want to keep. This is no small feat, I have quickly discovered, as my arm is actually kinda tired from slicing stuff out of the magazines. Oh, and I'm using a nice sharp Ginsu knife to do it, because I'm ghetto and I don't have any other type of slicing apparatus. So you can just imagine me sitting at the table with piles of magazines, a knife, and a glass of wine. Heh.

So anyways, what I've done for you is taken photos of how well my magazine pile is progressing.

Here's the pile I got through yesterday (please pay no attention to my filthy floor):



And here's my pile after my efforts today:

Uh I really did make more progress than it actually looks. And scary enough, I'm like 1/3 (err maybe 1/4) of the way done.

So - is this even a productive use of time? I mean the magazines weren't hurting anyone...but I also forgot to use them to find recipes. Now, I will have all the ones that actually interest me in 1 binder so I can have it handy all the time.

Hehhh yeah right, I'll probably shove them all in a binder and put it somewhere and then forget I have it. OOOOh well. Its kind of a fun project. My version of scrapbooking.

A SUPER fun new game

http://picktheperp.com/

It gives you a crime, and you have to pick the person that was charged with it out of a lineup of 5. The best I got was a streak of 4 in a row correct. Its tough. Its kinda sick. Its perhaps inappropriate. But its really really entertaining.

Ways to waste time and money

I've got plenty, and thought I would share some with the faithful few readers I've got.

1. Wal-Mart Free Samples & Trials. Updated often, you can get free samples of all kinds of crap - shampoos, lotions, dog treats, etc whatnot.

2. Penzey's Spices. I friggin love this place because they have all kinds of unique stuff and you can order neat spice blends in these little jars so you aren't wasting too much if you don't like it or don't know what to do with it. Like, I've got a little jar of Chinese 5-spice powder that I use as a secret ingredient in a lot of rubs and marinades. I also highly recommend the Northwoods Fire seasoning. God I could spend hours on this website.

3. Slick Deals. Hey, it pointed me to a sale on amazon where I got 2 really nice Calphalon stainless steel pots for a total of $20, shipped. Helllooooo.

4. Brads Deals. I advise just signing up for the email list because I find the website really overwhelming. So daily you get this neat little "list of deals" in your inbox. Sometimes there's some really good shit. Like, shoe sales where all Nine West shoes are $14.99. Also has lots of coupon codes and whatnot. Fun. Me Likey.

5. The Pioneer Woman Cooks. She lives out in like, bum-fuck country and raises cows. But, some of this stuff she makes on here looks amazing, I've used a number of her recipe ideas already. And, she's funny and takes delicious photos.

6. This is why you're fat. Reaching for that massive burger dripping with grease, cheese, and bacon? Look at the photos here and you might put it down. I can't believe some of this stuff actually exists. Hilarious.

7. Heat Eat Review. Ever eat those infamous frozen meals at work? This website reviews them, so you might be able to spare yourself from disgustingness.

8. Smart Bargains. I have gotten AMAZING deals on Cole Haan and Kate Spade shoes and bags on here. Right now is a massive bed and bath sale. Its kind of like Overstock.com, but I like it better. Stuff seems higher quality.

So there's 7 things that you can totally waste hours on. Cause I bet you were looking for JUST that. Now you have an idea of the mind-numbing things I do with all of MY free time :-)

Ohhhhh and the money. The money. Me have none. OH well. You can't take it with you.