Yeah, I have a sick liking for the Howard Stern show on Sirius. It makes my morning commute a little less shitty. If you want to know the story that statement was in relation to, just think limo, whores, and condoms, and you got yerself a winner.
In other news, I lost 4 pounds, which is quite exciting as over the past couple of years it has become nearly impossible for me to lose weight. On the other hand, I can look at a cookie and it like, melds itself to my hips. Odd, ain't it?
Which brings me to my amazing fucking story. Amaaaazing. So I'm at the gyno today, ya know, just chattin' it up about my health (disclaimer: this is not a post about vaginas, so don't get scared...or excited), when she feels my hands. "Holy shit your hands are freezing!" I know, I say. They are...often, actually. Then I tell her, my feet are even worse. So, she feels my toes and is like, same thing. Holy shit. At this point, she's like, "well with everything you're telling me, you have a thyroid problem." Ahhh....alas, little grasshopper, I say (well I didn't call the gyno grasshopper, but you knowz what I sez), I was just tested and the results were more normal than normal can be. I then tell her that I have a Vitamin B12 deficiency, and then she informs me that its shocking because normally only old people have that and it can lead to dementia. Then I make a joke about how wow, that explains a lot durrrrrr and I begin to think she thinks I actually might have dementia. Then she goes off on this wacky tangent about some holistic wacky man they call a "doctor" in DC that I should see, but he's "very expensive" and he could probably offer some "natural remedies" for my "thyroid problem". Errrmmmmm aiite. I actually by this point had even forgotten who I was talking to (i.e., lady part doctor) and I'm like OK, its fucking 5:00 pm, get this shit on the road, I wanna get the fuck outta here.
Moral of the story is, don't be all super friendly to your gyno. You may end up seeing some freaky witch doctor telling him you have dementia and a thyroid problem and drinking expensive magic potions in our nation's capital.
I know, scary life in the big city, huh?
1 comments:
So how magical do you think the magical potion is? Because quite frankly, there are a lot of weirdos in DC too, and you could just quit your job and sell the magic potion on the side. You could exploit the vulnerability of your consumers and tell each customer it does something different. Like to one person it could change their hair color and to another it could cure clamydia.
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