Heh. Heh.

Phone rings.
Scott: "Hello?"
Silence.
Still silence.
Scott: "You fuckin hang up on me you fuckin slut!?!"
Mel: "Who the fuck was that?"
Silence.
Mel: "Hey! What the fuck!"
Scott: "What a fuckin scam this is! These fucking people call every day! Its some card member services, I hit 1 like they said, and I said 'please take me off this list', and they hung up. If they call me again, I swear to god..."
Mel: "Want to go to Chili's?"
Scott: "Yeah."

holi-dayze

Have returned from ye olde Mentor, Ohio with more stuff than i came with. I'm probably heavier, definitely more tired, and in need of a few days without alcohol. I have also found that more than 5 days back at my parents house is just tooooooo much. Just wayy too much. Scott found the same thing. Good that we've learned our limits there.

Hm. So I'm pretty excited because tomorrow I will be trying out my new Cuisinart ice cream maker (thanks mom Merker) to make some vanilla frozen yogurt (yum!). I will also be attempting roasted butternut squash soup, homemade guacamole, and Marcella Hazan's famous butter and onion tomato sauce. Muy exciting week for me. I will plan on taking some photos of my food adventures and posting!

Yay! Again, nothing funny at all from me to report. Eh. Maybe the end of the year is where I've just lost all my humor and it won't start back up again till Jan 1. Yeah, that's it! The infamous end-of-the-year-loss of humor. Ahem. Whatev.

A 2 Year Anniversary

AHhahahahh no, not for Scott and I (as that would be like ummm 6 years) but its been 2 years as of December 17 that I moved to DC. Hard to believe its been that long, actually. So, of course I turn all introspective and start wondering if where I am now is where I expected to be after 2 years...and realize that I had no idea what to expect when I moved. I mean, I literally graduated and the next morning packed up my shit and left, moved to a house that Scott and I found on Craigslist. So I figure hey, I can't be hard on myself since when I came here I had no job and was like wtf am I doing with my life.

La de da, here we are 2 years later. I am professionally doing more than I probably could have expected. I work really hard, I kick ass at my job, I'm well respected (especially for a female my age where I work), and I make good money. Now, on the personal front, I'm not sure if I'm as far along as I am professionally, but I guess I can't do it all at the same time. Now, I'm getting the itch to do something different. Do we move? Do I switch jobs? I really can't stay stagnant...I learned this back in College when I used to kill myself doing 10 million activities, a double major, and partying full time. I just can't be a lump on a log. The fact that I've been pretty much in the same place, and nearly the same job for 2 years says a lot. I've totally got the itch...I just don't know how to scratch it yet.

Uh this blog is supposed to be funny.

Ya know, I just don't have anything amusing to talk about. So happy friggin holidays!

A Quickie

Busy. Here's what the faux is up:

- Interviewing for a job on Thursday
- Not all that interested in job, but if I can get more $$, then I'll entertain it
- Xmas is coming, I haven't written out any cards yet, I don't have anyone's addresses, nor do I have any stamps
- Did you know they have a Mary Poppins broadway musical? I'm watching the movie on TV right now and they just advertised the musical. Super neat.
- Looking forward to my end of the year raise
- Looking forward to taking half the day off tomorrow to go drinking with the co-workers
- Hoping Volkswagen comes to their senses about my LEMON VOLKSWAGEN TIGUAN and strikes a deal with me before I start talking about it on every VW forum and blog I can find
- Chevy Cobalt rental is kinda junky, but ranks much higher than the death trap Hyundai Accent and near-death trap Chevy Aveo
- Did you know they still make cars without automatic windows? They do. Cause I got one parked in my driveway.
- Obsessed with the fireplace
- Hoping the weather will be decent for the drive back to Ohio next week
- Sadness at not spending XMas Eve at the VanEpps household, but curious about perhaps spending it at Winking Lizard with mom and dad and whoever else wants to join!
- thisclose to booking Vegas trip with the girls for Jan 30 - Feb 1! YESSSSS!
- Looking much forward to San Diego work trip in February.
- Any suggestions for March? Thought perhaps I'd try to go somewhere every month until I got poor, bored, or sick of it
- I can't find a dog sweater that fits Mr. Coops...have purchased and returned 3, the one today will be the 4th
- BJ's wholesale club is the devil, as we have a freezer full of cheese sticks, bagel bites, and mac and cheese (theme : we like cheese)
- "please mary poppins, please!" (ok, the movie does not beat Bedknobs and Broomsticks but its pretty awesome...has anyone ever seen that on DVD by the way?)
- I bought an ornament at Disney when I was there 2 weeks ago. I put it on the tree on Sunday, seconds later it fell off and shattered. F-U Disney and your P.O.S. $12 ornament.
- On the other hand, my White House Historical Society collectors ornament is still there, and not broken
- If I could eat Thai food every day, I probably would

Eh. I should probably just delete this post because it REALLY REALLY SUCKS. But, suffer through it, and then realize that I feel bad for what you just endured. All 3 of ya.

The Disney

Yeah, I had to go to Orlando for work for 3 days and, lo and behold, I was staying at a Disney resort because that's where the conference was that I had to attend. I found Disney to be a kind of odd place when you are there with no children...and alone. First, in the Orlando airport there were kids just going nuts, running like maniacs all over, which drove me freaking bonkers. Like, bonkers.

So after a lot of eye rolling and death stares, I took the free "Disney Magical Express" shuttle to my hotel, where I swear the bus was just playing "its a small world" in a repeating loop, I don't know I just kinda zoned out. So Conference, yeah whatever, not important. But when I had free time, I just started hopping on all the random buses, because there was no way in hell I was going to buy a ticket to get in one of the parks (which, mind you is $75 goddamned dollars for a 1 day ticket). I just people watched outside, took the monorail to some of the hotels, shopped a bit, stopped for a few drinks, ya know there was not much else to do. They do have like, malls and normal things in Orlando, but Disney does not want you to go there. Because the money you spend there is not going toward anything Disney. Thus, its like, literally impossible unless you have a car, or want to pay enough for a cab to take you somewhere.

Oh ya, why do people bring babies to Disney? Like they give a shit. There were a number of couples there that had no other children but a little baby. Stupid ass waste of money.

Oh, and every single restaurant is either a chain, or some overpriced crap, or a chain that is worse than most other locations of the chain and more expensive to boot. I couldn't find anything to eat at that was tasty and non-chain. In 3 days I had a horrible appetizer at House of Blues, a salty ass overpriced appetizer at ESPN Zone, then I got excited to find a Todd English restaurant called bluezoo, where I ordered a nice flatbread and ended up getting a salt lick. I decided that it was best to just consume alcohol from there on out, which is how I ended up getting the worst hangover, literally, in my entire life. It made for one nasty, unpleasant flight home. Let's just say that Thursday night's dinner was the first actual food I had eaten since Tuesday at bluezoo.

That's really it. Redeeming quality was sun and 60+ degree temperatures (though I am still damned bitter that there was unseasonably cold weather the 3 days I just happened to be there). I dunno, I did enough Disney as a kid, I think its time to do adult trips. Yeah drinking and gambling w00t!

people can be absolutely disgusting

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27955316/

did you hear about this? people at wal-mart in NY this morning were basically tearing off the doors to get in the store for all the "deals" (OMG! deals!) that they trampled and killed someone and apparently caused another woman to have a miscarriage.

this is literally the most revolting thing i've heard in a long time. to these assholes, i say take your fucking broke ass home. you probably can't afford to buy that $400 tv that you're tearing down the door to get to anyway. its just stuff, people. fucking junk that will be rendered useless in a few years when a newer and better model comes out anyway and then you've just got more shit sitting around your trailer that you have no space for. how does your holiday season feel now that you killed someone to get a deal? not so merry now, is it?

yeah, well you deserve to feel like shit. and hopefully you do.

The absolute, lamest, worst, there are no adjectives to describe the disgust i have for this show....

Dancing with the Stars.

1. Why is it on?
2. If you watch it, why?
3. Even more so, why do you and 30 million other American households watch it? Like, all ya'll collectively as a group with bad taste?
4. I threw up in my mouth a little watching...whoever these 2 people are...dance to Funky Town. Looks like big football man. Dancing to fucking FUNKY TOWN.
5. I asked Scott (well more stated aggressively), "People WATCH this?"
6. He said, rather drunkenly, "This is like, the number one show."
7. I know that. That wasn't the answer I was looking for.
8. Oh, the judges. Oh my god. I thought I couldn't stomach American Idol. This is vitriolic. Is that word a proper descriptor for my feelings? I'm not really sure, it just came out. I also really like the word vapid, but I felt it wasn't as appropriate.
9. Fuck it, its vapidly vitriolic.
10. Now, if you wanna talk about some good tv, let's talk about Real Housewives of Atlanta. Because now THAT, that is some shit I can get into. It is the opposite of being vapidly vitriolic, in my highly educated opinion.

my mundane existence (e or a? man i can't spell for SHIT anymore)

Yeah so, Scott is still out of town, I'm still going stir crazy and not getting enough sleep. But lately, I have had all this like, um what do you call it...energy? initiative? desire to like do stuff? I think its a result of the all-natural thyroid supplements I've been taking for about 3 weeks now. Either way, I'm like a nut lately. I've been jogging with Mr. Coops twice daily and I voluntarily raked leaves yesterday. Even though I raked like friggin hardcore for an hour, the yard still looks like a shite pile. We'll just let Scott fix that on Saturday. Me, generous you say? I know. Please, hold your applause.

Anyhoo, so I get up this morning after jogging twice (I keep wanting to say thrice because it is a way cooler word, but alas I did not jog thrice..ly? in one day. Hheheheh. Good shit.) and going on the aforementioned maniacal burst of raking and my body was like, "fuck you". I mean my back, my neck - basically my upper body was just friggin killing me. I went out and jogged this morning and felt a little better, but by time I got to work and parked my ass in a non-ergonomically correct chair for a couple of hours, I felt like a 70 year old lady with osteoporosis. 

Now, to me, the moral of the story is - don't do yard work, because it's hazardous to your health. I bet Scott will see it differently because we all know my ass is out there Saturday raking and bagging and raking and bagging and swearing and whatever. Next residence will be a condo with no yard to speak of. Mark my words. Fuck this "house with a nice fenced in yard and lots of trees" bullshit. Overrated. 

My hypoallergenic dog has allergies

Oh, the irony. 

bitch slap me, i forgot to blog

Well ok, I didn't forget that much, just a little bit, moreso I was busy and didn't have much to blog about. And since I try not to make this a political blog since there are thousands out there that can do it better than I can, there just hasn't been much else to talk about other than damn politics! But, I will say I'm excited, I'm sooo soooooo excited at the prospect of actually going to DC to see a Presidential Inauguration, I'm determined to figure out how to get tickets to an Inaugural Ball, and quite honestly, I'm actually interested in politics again. After the 2004 election, I gave up, stopped caring, and got quite disillusioned. I think this has pulled me out of my funk.

Erm, what else. So Scott is leaving me for Vegas next week for a conference and that means I'll have to be home alone, which also means that I'll be dead tired all week from being so damned paranoid about being alone in the house that I won't be able to sleep. Happens every time I'm home alone overnight. Call me a pussy, whatever, fuck you. Have the random Tuesday holiday off work, which will be nice, I feel like I should come up with something neato to do but I'll probably sit on my ass all day with a super big gulp Diet Coke and the Food Network, trying to learn how to make shit that will never come out as good as how it does on TV. Oh well, I give myself a B- for effort at least.

So...hmm. What else can I talk about...ohh yes. Major tasks for this weekend - removing summer clothes from closet, finding all of my sweaters, doing 30 loads of laundry, sweeping up all of the leaves in our house (thank you Mr. Coops, velcro fur extraordinaire), and trying to get out of helping Scott do leaf removal from the yard. Its so bad you can't even see that we have a lawn - its ALL leaves. Oh sweet jebus. Also looking forward to some wine tasting on Saturday with the ladies, and then probably heavy drinking after the wine tasting because why not, there are bars nearby. And if you see a bar, the only logical thing to do is go in it and drink some damn beer. 

idiot = moi

i was out running a multitude of errands today (the priority of which was, find dress to wear to wedding that is in like, 6 days, and i came home without one...again!) when i decided to make a stop at the grocery store, one of my favorite places on earth. i went to the overpriced one today, just because i like it, they have neat and different stuff and lots of free samples. so la de dah, i'm meandering around, filling my cart with things i really don't need, when i finally realize that we are driving back to ohio on wednesday and will be there until sunday. i.e., i only need like, 2.5 days of food. 

shit.

so back i go, returning my lovely asparagus and my salad mix, some prepared stuffed chicken, and a ton of other items. i bet i looked like a real idiot, i figured people thought that i like, couldn't afford the items i bought (which hahahahahah i can't but i buy anyways!), which bothered me for some reason, so i tried to be all sly about it. so this whole debacle turned into like, 1.5 hours at the grocery store to buy 1/8 cartful of random things, many of which we have to consume by wednesday when we pull out of the driveway. looking forward to many turkey sandwiches between now and then!

but yeah, i'm an idiot!

i also went to marshall's to look for a dress (picked up a sweater and ironing board cover instead so not a total loss) and i about lost my shit when some people who were of a certain...how do i say it in PC terms...well whatever, let their kids run around the store like it was a fucking toys r us. ya know, some people like to shop in a calm environment - which is why some of us go out and shop when stores OPEN, so douchebags like the ones i encountered today likely aren't at the store yet with their filthy horribly mannered children. at one point, i gave the one kid a very nasty look and i think i scared him. hahahah thats right! see, situations like this just keep on confirming for me that i will probably never have kids, and if i did, you'd all feel sorry for them.

"She put it in the whore section of her purse!" - Artie Lange

Yeah, I have a sick liking for the Howard Stern show on Sirius. It makes my morning commute a little less shitty. If you want to know the story that statement was in relation to, just think limo, whores, and condoms, and you got yerself a winner. 

In other news, I lost 4 pounds, which is quite exciting as over the past couple of years it has become nearly impossible for me to lose weight. On the other hand, I can look at a cookie and it like, melds itself to my hips. Odd, ain't it? 

Which brings me to my amazing fucking story. Amaaaazing. So I'm at the gyno today, ya know, just chattin' it up about my health (disclaimer: this is not a post about vaginas, so don't get scared...or excited), when she feels my hands. "Holy shit your hands are freezing!" I know, I say. They are...often, actually. Then I tell her, my feet are even worse. So, she feels my toes and is like, same thing. Holy shit. At this point, she's like, "well with everything you're telling me, you have a thyroid problem." Ahhh....alas, little grasshopper, I say (well I didn't call the gyno grasshopper, but you knowz what I sez), I was just tested and the results were more normal than normal can be. I then tell her that I have a Vitamin B12 deficiency, and then she informs me that its shocking because normally only old people have that and it can lead to dementia. Then I make a joke about how wow, that explains a lot durrrrrr and I begin to think she thinks I actually might have dementia. Then she goes off on this wacky tangent about some holistic wacky man they call a "doctor" in DC that I should see, but he's "very expensive" and he could probably offer some "natural remedies" for my "thyroid problem". Errrmmmmm aiite. I actually by this point had even forgotten who I was talking to (i.e., lady part doctor) and I'm like OK, its fucking 5:00 pm, get this shit on the road, I wanna get the fuck outta here.

Moral of the story is, don't be all super friendly to your gyno. You may end up seeing some freaky witch doctor telling him you have dementia and a thyroid problem and drinking expensive magic potions in our nation's capital. 

I know, scary life in the big city, huh?

7-11 is fucking amazing

I really do love the place. Between there and Rite Aid, I know where my paychecks end up.  I went this morning to get what I needed to help my hangover from drinking 2 bottles of wine yesterday - a Super Big Gulp of Diet Coke and my Sunday Washington Post. Oh, and then wolfed a ton of thin crust pizza from Pizza Hut. That helped a lot too. So here's to 7-11, always there when I need it!

Seasonal beers

Well, Anita has started a new thread (not to divert from the thread on 80's movies, but I'm kind of figuring that we can create enough random categories so that we're able to basically say every single 80's movie is the best of something and I lose my interest quickly so I'm over it now, St. Elmo's Fire is still the best and fawk ya'll) on Pumpkin Beers. I thought that all fall Seasonal beers would always have some kind of spice to them, but I can tell ya I have sampled lots so far and some I have no idea as to why they are called Seasonal beers in the fall. Case in point - at one of our favorite bars, Bilbo Baggins, where I was able to do a little beer sampler, I picked all 3 of their Seasonal offerings. They all sucked. So, the guy nicely took them back for me, pretended I never ordered them, and gave me the Dogfish Head Pumpkin Beer instead. Not too shabby - but, not the right balance of Pumpkin and Spice, in my humble opinion. Too much spice, not enough Pumpkin. Anita has thrown out Jack's...and one other one I can't remember even though I just read her comment on the movies post about 1.8 seconds ago. Dementia has set in, apparently. Or, just the meds from my dental work this morning. Either way, we need to have a serious discussion on Pumpkin Beers (and I'm ok with seasonals in general, just as long as they do actually represent the FALL SEASON), cause its already mid-October and time is just running out to drink all of them!

Ok. So far, here' my SHORT short list:

Favorite Seasonal: Sam Adams Oktoberfest, draft
Favorite Pumpkin: Willoughby Brewery, draft

I wouldn't place Dogfish Head in 2nd even in terms of pumpkin beers. Its been a long time since I've had others...looks like I have my work cut out for me in the coming weeks. Anyone care to throw some sticks on the fire?

Oh yah and obviously I never learned how to write because that paragraph I just wrote is fucking huge. Sorry. Noelle, help me O' English teacher of greatness! Like, why do I keep capitalizing the word Pumpkin when its not a proper noun? I dunno. I'm a dumby pants.

Discuss. Not my stupidity, but the beer.

Best 80's Movies

Well, since I threw it out there that St. Elmo's Fire is simply the best 80's movie (and IT IS), I got a comment from the fabulously fabulous Noelle, who said:

I feel like the best 80s movie needs to be placed in categories, so I will make a list:
Horror: Poltergeist
Comedy: Big
Drama: Breakfast Club
Christmas: A Christmas Story
Stupid: Ghostbusters or Spaceballs
Gangster: Scarface

Now, I like this idea of creating categories and whatnot. Let's start a debate (come on 3 readers, buck up). Here is my list, with kind of different categories:

Comedy: Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Musical: Footloose (I guess its musical comedy? Cause that shit is funny.)
Dramedy: St. Elmo's Fire
Random Classic: Goonies
Stupid: Ghostbusters (much agreed, Noelle)
Action: Top Gun

BEST OVERALL: St. Elmo’s Fire

How bout that?

And sadly, I didn't know Scarface was from the 80's. I've never seen it. I'm scared of it.

Oh wait, I might throw Drop Dead Fred in some category, but I'm not sure what to call it. Maybe, "fucked up fun"? Oh shit. What about Dirty Dancing? Ok, so maybe we need "musical drama" and "musical comedy" categories. That might help. Is Dirty Dancing even a musical? More interpretive dance or something.

I feel like there are 80's movies out there we may be forgetting. Maybe not. I'm not a fan really of any of the Molly Ringwald flicks. I know, I know. Shoot me.

Adventures in Dogsitting

Ahh yes, brings back memories to the old 80's movie Adventures in Babysitting with Elisabeth Shue, what a great flick. As were many 80's movies, such as one of my top, all time favorite movies EVER and THE best 80's movie EVER: St. Elmo's Fire. Ahh. I am totally watching that this weekend with a bottle of wine. Or a pizza. Or perhaps both, we'll see how I'm feeling. I'm just that sophisticated, and decisive. Throwing in a little "debate talk". Speaking of, way back when Obama was going to announce his VP choice, I signed up for that little cell phone text message dealy-thing so I could feel all neat and trendy and in-the-know. And thanks for that 3 AM text announcement, btw. Don't think I've quite said how grateful I am for that one. So, I'm on the list. Well, now I can't get off the goddamned list. And to top it off, AT&T and my crackberry (which is so fucked, its more like methlab-berry) both SUCK A BIG FAT ONE. For example, just now, at 11:40 PM I got a text telling me to watch the VP debate at 9 PM. Erm. What? Maverick? No telly time good?

So anyway, until Saturday sometime we are watching the dog of one of Scott's co-workers. It's a longhaired daschund, quite cute, a little feisty, and pretty much not fond of Mr. Coops in the least. Here's how its been going:

Mr. Coops: BARK BARK BARK BARK (lick little dog's weiner) BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK (butt sniff) (lick lick licky licky) BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

Small Dog: scurry....run...hide in couch cushions....SNAPPY BARK...hide...hide more...hide...what is this big furry thing? hide...where's my dad? hide...

Mr. Coops: BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK FUCK YOU I WANNA PLAY BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

So, yeah you get the picture. I have a splitting headache, and I left my bottle of Excedrin on my desk at work, since that's usually the place that causes me the most pain. Oh, waaaaahhhh I know. But fuck it, work gives me a headache. So be it. What was I talking about again?

Oh yeah, 80's movies. I'm telling you, if you haven't seen and loved St. Elmo's Fire, you haven't lived. And if you wanna debate me on what you think the best 80's movie is, go right ahead. You have 2 minutes.

my dog is super furry

And, I think that's news to absolutely no one. I figured we all have heard way more than enough about how the economy is tanking - so new breaking news - my dog is furry!

MEH. Lame-o humour from me today. Erm...humour? Apparently I'm also British. Or Canadian. Or Sarah Palin. Whatever...I can't turn off the italics. Sup with that.

So I was just posting a comment on Noelle's blog about my cooking. If you actually want to call it that. Why is this still in italics?? Fuck.

OK. Here we go. no. Still in italics.

OMG. I cannot turn off the italics!!!!! I literally cannot do it! MOtherfucker.

Geez, you all got screwed on a blog post because I'm now too frustrated by these italics to write. Poor you guys.

Hawt!

Add Glitter to your Photos

The new Knight Rider - Seriously?

Checked it out last night because there's really nothing to watch on Wednesday nights. And, we were curious. So here's the new Knight Rider, in a nutshell:

Sucks.

Like, Michael is supposed to be in the DC Metro Area chasing down some...thing, I never figured out what it was he was after...and so in the background there are freaking mountains. Now, I live here. There are no mountain ranges. Nor do we have the kinds of trees that they kept showing. Then, there's a shot where they claim to be in the "Washington Subway". Erm, its called the Metro. Secondly, it looks NOTHING like our Metro system. Like, not even remotely. After that, I completely lost respect for this show, mostly because it doesn't even try. Nor is it really all that interesting, or entertaining.

First episode of the Office, however - friggin fabulous. Love that show.

Social Commentary

Not really I just couldn't think of a good blog title.

Anyone ever watched Rick Sanchez on CNN? He's one of their anchors. The guy is like, hilarious. He's not all stiff and monotone like a lot of the others (ahem Wolf), he just randomly spouts off shit and sometimes gets visibly pissed at some of the "experts" they bring on for him to banter with. And he shows it. And, he blogs while he's doing the show and uses sweet abbreviations like "ur" instead of "your" and stuff. So modern and hip. The first couple times I watched him I was like what the hell, why does CNN have a drunken anchor. But now I think he's just like this normally. He's utterly amusing. I just keep watching hoping he will go ape shit on someone.

Which actually brings me to another point - mens shirts and ties. Specifically, how men lately are mixing colors and prints of shirts and ties and wearing it like its a-ok. The most common thing seems to be the plaid-ish shirt (not a kilt type plaid or lumberjack flannel type plaid, the nice classy type of mens dress shirt plaid) with some wacky ass tie that doesn't even contain one color that the shirt does. Its really odd. Made me think about it because Rick Sanchez on CNN does it a lot. So do a lot of other people. Scott is actually the one that noticed it first but now I see it all the time. Even men at my office are doing this? When did this become socially acceptable?

"Thanks, but no thanks, for that bridge to nowhere..."

Think that one's a little overplayed, Sarah...and as many have shown, not even true.

Ah, alas, as I've said time and time again this is not a political blog (I can see Maryland from my roof!!! hmmm...what does it all mean), just had to get a jab in there.

I'm in a training class this week and its brutal. I mean, I'm almost praying that someone at work calls me and is like "we need you to get back here, stat!" (erm wow "ER" flashback), its just that bad. One of our instructors likes to say the phrase, "do you agree?" repeatedly. And half the time we have no freaking clue what he's talking about (statistics, anyone?) so he keeps throwing out the "do you agree?" and then today it actually happened 3 times within the same sentence. I know. How is it even possible? I started keeping a tally when I got bored, and within minutes he had said that phrase 10 times, so I gave up because it was making me crazy.

Sigh...is it Friday yet? Do you agree? I fuckin do. Oops, I have a bottle of wine in the freezer. Better go get that. $8 zinfandel, mmmm boy! I'm one classy broad.

I'm going to have to start getting drunk and just writing some random stream of consciousness bullshit on here. I think I lost all my readers in my absence so I'm thinking that I've got no one to offend. This could be fun!!!

Last note - everyone say a little prayer for my best Cro, Anita, who probably still has no power in Houston as a result of Ike. Hopefully she's keeping her sanity. I will take up a collection drive amongst my readership for you!! So, if you want $5, let me know.

Stern...hehh...

No explanation needed.

http://www.towleroad.com/2008/09/howard-stern-co.html

Scotty and Sketchy

Here is what muh Scotty does with his free time:



And the sketchy item is the plethora all of a sudden of Amway Global commercials. Come on, really? AMWAY?

Ok, 2 sketchy items. Went to one of those fancy-schmancy restaurants on Friday night and I ordered this dish that came with foie gras butter on it. I was going to order something else but the server recommended it and said it didn't have a ton of foie gras on it so i was like ehhh meh ok whatever. By time it got to the table I had gotten myself so disturbed by the fact that there were particles of foie gras on my plate I didn't even want to eat it...but I did. I ate some. Not all of it, and it was even one of those like trendy food plates where the plate is huge and the food is tiny.

Ew.

And for educational purposes:

Wikipedia link for AMWAY

Wikipedia link for FOIE GRAS

Rental Carz Roxz

Not so much. But since I've had the opportunity...or maybe misfortune?...to have driven 3 different rental cars in the past 2 months, I thought I would take the opportunity to comment on their shittyness. Coming in last place on Mel's patented shittyness scale is...

THE HYUNDAI ACCENT. Is this car actually meant to be driven on a road? With other CARS? Gasp! No literally, I feared for my life in this one. I think its meant for those learning to drive in an empty parking lot in the middle of nowhere. Cause honestly, as to why someone would voluntarily buy one is beyond me.

Next, coming in illustrious second on the scale...so meaning middle of shittyness...

THE CHEVY AVEO. Now, I think it comes in the middle because (1) the one I drove was bright yellow [sidenote: it was yellow Aveo or Red Kia. Obvious choice] and (2) I felt slightly less like I was going to die in a crushing accident than in the Accent. Not much though.

Finally, coming in first, which really ain't saying much in this group of shitty ass automobiles is...

THE SATURN AURA XR. Really, I couldn't not put it in first as it was the only car that had a V6 (really the only one that actually went anywhere when I put my foot on the gas) and the one I felt safest in. However, it makes me feel like an old grandma driving a car that is too powerful and if ya step on the gas too hard is like I might drive through the window of the Old Folks home. I don't even think I felt as grandma-ish driving my mom's old Buick. I have no idea what it is about this automobile, but I age a solid 50 years when I get in it.

Anyone drive any rental cars lately that are better or worse than mine?

Not a political blog, but...

Honestly, I can't help it anymore. The Republican party has driven me to the brink of sheer anger, of disbelief, and...ya know I can't even explain it because I'm just pretty fuckin pissed off. I've got lots of reasons why, but I came up with all kinds of newer and angrier ones once little Mrs. Palin magically arrived on the campaign scene. Here's what I've got to say about that:

1. People will stop talking about your "private family matters" when you stop parading your family around on stage like a herd of cattle.
2. Does anyone REALLY know anything about this woman? I mean, honestly? Who is she?
3. People will stop talking about your "private family matters" when you stop whining about them on the cover of People, US Weekly, OK, and whatever other magazine you've plastered yourself on this week
4. I've heard nothing of substance yet come out of her mouth. Great, rip on x, y, and z all you want - but what, as Vice President, would you focus on? What would you do? Do you even know what the VP DOES?
5. Notice that she's basically being shielded from the media ('cept for those pesky gossip rags) for questions? You know as well as I do its because the Campaign staffs have her holed up, edumicating her beyond belief, so she can emerge for the VP debate with some things to talk about. But answer me this, if a candidate can't be bothered to come out and answer some questions from some reporters because she's spending the next few weeks learning, you tell me how she's ready to potentially run the country should anything happen to the President. She's not even ready for the Campaign trail?!

Like, honestly. Of course all the Republican sheep out there are like OOOOH anti-abortion OOOOH guns OOOH hunting OOOO oil and even some Dems with the OOOOOO she's a woman, damn since Hillary lost I've got a new choice! Gag me. Honestly this is why I've been trying to not get all wacky about the campaigning but I think this is one of those "all gloves are off" type situations.

Yeah, and read THIS article, a humble ditty from one of McCain's fellow POW's. Food for thought.

Have I ever told you I'm not an Obama fan? Shite. Who is the Libertarian this time around? We're all screwed.

End political discussion on le blog of Mel.

Now...anyone drink any good wines lately? I haven't. Maybe I should migrate myself out of the $10 per bottle and under range. For a while I thought it was a super fun challenge - seeing what I could get for el cheapo - but its not so much fun anymore because most of what I get tastes like crap. Maybe I should migrate to the $15 and under range? Meh. Might as well head to World Market tomorrow to see what a nice crisp Jackson can buy me!

Office Follies, pt 1!

Time for a new segment called...."OFFICE FOLLIES!"

Yeah lame so if you think up a better title please post. I just got back from a run and lost the good brain cells along the way.

Anyhow, today's folly is (wait for it, wait for it...)

Leave desk on 3rd floor. Take stairs to 4th floor to the Diet Coke machine. Insert 75 cents, get said Diet Coke, walk back to stairs. For god knows what reason, take stairs UP TO 5TH FLOOR, where I DON'T SIT, see the "5" on the door, mutter "aw fucking shit", and now walk down 2 flights of stairs to find my desk.

Idiot.

Friggin Bargains

I pride myself on bargain hunting. Now I realize that "bargain hunting" is a relative term, since most people wouldn't think that a bright kelly green Cole Haan zip wallet on sale at $100 is a bargain, but I do. Its cause I'm crazy like that. "Well go sell crazy somewhere else, Mel! Shit!" you might say. I say fuck you.

Anyhow, where I really get excited bout the bargains is at l'épicerie, or "grocery store" for all you non-cultureds. I'm actually a coupon clipping nut, but I seem to have this problem where I cut coupons, put them in a ziploc baggie, and lose said ziploc baggie. By time I find it, most of the coupons are expired, save for like 1 coupon which is inevitably for something that I was never actually going to buy, I just thought why the fuck not clip the coupon.

I digress. So I stopped at the store today to buy some of my usuals: turkey, bread, yogurt, vegetables, fruit, whatev. I happened to have my brand new coupon organizer (thank you Container Store for not making me crazy coupon baggie lady anymore) which helped me to find lotsa bargains. My top 2:

bag of organic carrots: 19 cents (das right, ORGANIC food for under a quarter)
wishbone bountifuls tuscan romano basil salad dressing: -1 cent. Yeah they paid me a damn cent for buying that dressing. Prolly tastes like shit-ola.

Couple of other sweet motha bargains in there too but it was like 3 hours ago and since I'm turning old and stupid I don't remember too good.

Anyone else get some sweet FRIGGIN BARGAINS lately?

Muh new ride!

Folks, some sad news. Blueberry is no more. She was traded in yesterday for a pretty new car, in the interim named Silverberry. As to why I bought a gas guzzler, I don't know. I haven't figured it out myself yet, but look how cute it is, and its turbo! I will seriously plow the fuck over those green reflective "caution, children at play" signs parents put in the street when they are too fucking lazy to watch their own kids. I HATE THOSE. Anyhow, here she is (oh ya its a Volkswagen Tiguan, I love that good German engineering)

1. Silverberry's Butt


2. Side A


3. Side B

STRAIGHT HAX0R3d

I STRAIGHT HAXORED YOUR BLOG.

lOVE Sc(())TTY!

Two Months Later...

Yeah, I'm back. I actually forgot I had a blog for a while there. These are the things that happen when you work too much. And if anyone ever visits here again - you'll get a few pics from the last couple weeks to hopefully make up for it. I swear...I'll try harder. I will. I should first explain that over President's Day weekend we headed up to NYC to enjoy some time without the dog, away from the state of Virginia, just bummin around. Of course, when I travel I have a knack for taking no more than like, 5 photos the entire time, as I did this time around, but here they are. Let me say - don't do a weekend getaway in NYC in the winter. Just a dumb idea. However, it resulted in a very justifiable reason to keep ducking into bars to warm up with drinks...about every 2 blocks or so.

Pic 1: This is where the Money is made!



Pic 2: Me mowing the infamous Corned Beef at the infamous Carnegie Deli. Damn, now I want one right now.



Pic 3: That Statue - so tiny!



Pic 4: Not NYC - a picture of the end of our road (the GW Parkway) all covered in snow and pretty last weekend



That is about it. Not bad, eh? Today I'm heading out to do some outlet shopping in Leesburg - where there is both a Burberry and Kate Spade outlet. You can bet I'll be spending too much today. I think that's what money is for though.

A photo extravaganza

Well not really but I got some fun photos that someone may appreciate (though, I may have lost most of my readers due to my extend absence). Oh well. I like them, so I will post them. Screw y'all.

First, some old stuff:

1. Christmas tree @ Capitol with the Capitol dome in the background



2. Cooper in his sweet Old Navy parka



3. My younger sis doing what she does best...texting



And now, a few new ones. This afternoon it was quite nice out so we took Cooper to a park right down the street:

4. Coop and Daddy



5. Coop and Mommy



6. Coop meeting a pony!!!

New Years Eve Pix

Just a handful of photos will show you what happened on New Year's Eve...we got friggin drunk. That's what happens when you arrive at an all-you-can-drink event with only 3 hours left to drink...

1. Made dinner at the house, to include wine...and more wine...so soon after we arrived at our destination, we were a little rowdy



2. As were our friends, Brian and Amanda



3. Cappy & Cokes + shots = idiot



4. Shots in plastic champagne glasses? Yep. Build tower.

2008, what what

Well, today is day uno of 2008 and I've spent most of it in bed due to the fact that I had about 12 too many cappy & cokes last night as well as the harshest shots of washington apple I've ever drank. Didn't stop me from having about 3 or 4 of them though, oh no siree bob. So instead of getting work done today like I was supposed to do and avoid having my ass reamed out tomorrow at work, I laid in bed, read gossip websites, and then we watched Ratatouille on blu-ray. Man, awesome quality and a very cute movie. Those blu-ray discs are expensive though! Yikes! Worth it though.

Anyhoo...I've got a number of pics to post from the holidays back in Ohio as well as from last night (those ones are def. amusing) but I'll do that tomorrow. I'm finally starting to do work...at 10pm...so I figure I better get back to it since I wake up for work at 6:20 am.

Happy 08 to all, and to all, a good night!