Ummm foreshadowing?

So working at agency XYZ in the Department of Defense has surely been interesting, and that continued at work today when I had to attend a mandatory "Gas Mask" training class and have my own personal mask issued to me. I think, oh yeah they are gonna give me some piece of shit surgical type mask thing that I'll toss in the trash when I get back to my desk. Oh no, this thing is serious with some kind of motorized air filter attached to it. So I sit there thinking, you know, they sent out about 400 emails to get us to attend this REQUIRED training, why is that? Why so sudden? Also very comforting is the fact that we are at terror warning level thingy 3 or alpha or something, and if we reach level 4 or bravo or whatever the hell it was, we actually have to carry our masks with us. So my ass would be walkin around, goin to the Pentagon and shit, carrying this gas mask in a black bag like a tool.

See, my concern really should be, hey um am I going to be using this gas mask sometime soon? You can see where my priorities lie. Whatever, I live and work in a nuclear blast zone, I don't think some gas mask is going to help me.

Can I take a minute and spew my continued spite for Sandra Lee. You know when she starts off her show with "So I went to the Army Navy surplus store..." it's going to be so bad. So bad. I can't even explain why I'm sitting here watching it. Anyone notice how she pronounces "L" words? Like, "it's soooo lllllllllovely" and shit. Good god. She nearly drives me to drink.

I think I need another long weekend away from the government. Oh I did find this hilarious thing online today, one of those "you know you work in government when..." lists, and it was so spot on, I laughed my ass of in my cube for about 30 minutes and then used my goverment owned computer to forward it to everyone I could think of. Here are a few of my favorites that are COMPLETELY ACCURATE:

* You understand the rationalization of an acronym comprised of acronyms.
* You realize that a paperless office is impossible. Actually, you believe it is possible, just not in your office.
* You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym.
* Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
* Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.
* Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes," "in your spare time," "when you're freed up," and "I have an opportunity for you."

To read the rest click here

And with that, it's off to find a bar to watch the Cavs game!

A quickie

For anyone who eats fast food and likes humor, this guy did a review of fast food places and it's really amusing. His assessment of Burger King is pretty much dead-on.

Read HERE.

A Big ol' post with lots of photos

To make up for my absence the past 2 weeks I decided to make a big post to redeem myself. Here's what I have to report on:

Report 1: Kelly P's wedding: fun, I took like 2 good photos if that. I also am happy to report that I officially crashed my first wedding with Damien. We basically noticed the wedding next door had 2 open bars, so we went right in. Note that Kelly P's wedding was dry, cept for the 1 hour "cocktail hour". So we walked into the other wedding, got drinks, tipped the bartender, and did the ultimate--headed out to the dance floor to rock out. Yes, at the wedding we crashed. I'm sure we looked ridiculous attempting to pretend we were on "Dancing with the Stars" or whatever the hell it was we were doing out there, but it was so damn fun. It was so great to see all the grad school buds again too. Here are a few photos--please note I should never have possession of a camera while drinking.

Here's Damien doing god knows what:


Here's me and Tara, notice I look wasted:


Finally, the piece de resistance: the empty beer cans under our table (hey we had to get drunk somehow right, I say bringing beer down from the room in a garbage can with ice is totally fine)


Report 2: Memorial Day Weekend
Since between the both of us traveling Scott and I have barely seen each other in the past 3 weeks we decided to just go all out and have all kinds of fun this weekend. Weather was gorgeous. Friday night was drinking in DC--we went to Chinatown, Rosa Mexicano for some strong ass pomegranite margaritas, our favorite place Shelly's Back Room, then to...um...not sure. But I drank too much and decided to be a bit of an exhibitionist in the metro station. Ask about that later. No photos from that thank god.
Saturday was Auto Cross and that was BRUTAL given my major hangover and the fact that my body hates sun and heat. That took up the whole day, and then that night we friggin vegged out.
Sunday was MY day, so I chose to go to Pimlico, the track in Baltimore where the Preakness is held every year. Let me tell you that place is in the fawking GHETTO. Like, GHETTOTTOOOOOOOO. But we had a few drinks and bet on some ponies and I of course lost pretty much every race. Still tons o'fun tho. A few pics:






After we navigated our way out of the ghetto (which seems to encompass the vast majority of Baltimore) we went down to the lovely Fells Point area to get a crabcake or something at one of our favorite restaurants--Crabby Dick's--only to discover it closed!! WTF!! They are going to get an email from me. So we strolled the streets a bit and then decided to drive to Annapolis since it was sorta on our way home to grab some dinner. Annapolis is really the most adorable place, brick streets, historical row houses, the whole thing...oh yes and the US Naval Acadamy, which means HOT men in sailor uniforms. MMMM mmm. I could have eaten friggin Cracker Jacks for dinner and have been satisfied. Yeah buddy. So basically we ate dinner at this overpriced seafood restaurant and then headed back home where we passed out on the couch.

Today--NOTHING. No SUN, no CARS, no nothing. :-)

All in all, an awesome weekend, and I'm definetly looking forward to a 4-day work week!! YES!!

Contest results n' other shit

Well I thought I would give people PLENTY of time to come with poetry. Since I only got 3 entries (ok, better than zero I guess) I decided to declare everyone a winner of something.

Winner of most creative: Damien
Winner of funniest: Schatzie (seriously that got an LOL)
Winner of best current events tie-in: Amber

Congratulations to all! As winners you are each allowed to make a guest post on my blog. So, if you want to let me know.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Memorial Day weekend. Today Scott and I are headed to Pimlico race track up in Baltimore to bet on some ponies. Pimlico is where the Preakness is held every year (race numero dos in the Triple Crown series). Keep your fingers crossed that I break even!! (I am horribly bad on betting on the ponies, but its so fun!).

Other than that, Lindsay Lohan is still a drunk and a cokehead (ok well most everyone knew that already but now its official), I still hate Sandra Lee on the Food Network, my neighbor's 3 dogs still will not shut the fawk up, the war in Iraq is still a disaster, and I am still chubby and pale.

See not much new happens around here. But let me tell ya, summer is roaring in like a lion out here with our 80 degree heat and humidity. I already can tell this summer I'll regret moving here, but since we got the A/C fixed I guess it isn't so bad.

Anyone else got good weekend stories? Or um stories from the past 2 weeks since I haven't posted? I'm slackin man. Slackin.

Le contest de poetry---WHERE IS YOUR LE POETRY?

So, readers, I spent all this time (insert sarcasm here) coming up with a great idea for a poetry contest, and instead everyone decided to post comments about the fact that I am holding a poetry contest without actually posting any poetry.

This does not make moi happy. I thought I would come home from work, open up my blog, see all this lovely poetry, and be prepared to pick a winner...sigh.

Maybe it's because I didn't pick a prize for the winner. I think I have an Applebee's gift card laying around I'd be willing to pawn off. However, I think the better prize would be to be a guest poster on my blog for a month. I know, I am so generous and the winner will be so privileged.

So please people, amuse me, write something. Anything. Shit if you can't even do this I don't think I will post my long awaited "Mad Libs" next week! OH yes, I was really gonna do it! Yeah enough about this.

In other news...Scott decided that he wants to file a class-action lawsuit against the TSA because they let First Class passengers go through a separate (i.e., shorter) security line while all the hacks in coach have to go through the long, regular line with pissy TSA screeners. I like this idea. Class discrimination I say!!!

Also, I saw a very interesting article that talks about how a new study of the Kennedy assassination seems to prove that there couldn't have possibly been one gunman. I know, conspiracy theories blah blah...but these were highly technical bullet tests and proved that the tests done back in the 60's were simply not valid. If you're super into the Kennedy shit like me, you'll find it interesting. Peak your curiosity here.

Whelp that is about it for today. Probably no post again until Sunday/Monday since I am heading back to the OH-IO for Kelly P's wedding. You know what this means--you all have time to work on your magnificent poetry skills. I suggest that you get horribly drunk and then start rambling some stuff off, and then just post it. That would be fun.

Have a happy weekend everyone!

Le contest de poetry

ATTENTION ALL: THE FIRST ANNUAL "LE CONTEST DE POETRY" OF "LE BLOG DE MELLYDOODLE" HAS COMMENCED.

There will be one, and ONLY ONE, winner. I request that between now (12:26 am on Tuesday...Wednesday?) and Sunday at 5:00 pm EST you post your best piece of poetry as a comment. There are NO RULES. You may:
-use profanity. in fact, you may get extra points for it, especially if it rhymes.
-use any format you want, whether haiku or iambic pentameter or some shit you made up. not like i'm gonna research it.
-trash talk anyone and even use their name. i do not sue. though i do know a lot of people in law school.
-confess your deepest, darkest secrets. in fact, you SHOULD do this.

I will come up with my own points system. It will not be statistically valid nor reliable. If I laugh, a lot, you will probably get a lot of points. This is not the time for sappy crappy stuff. Pretend that you are a funny version of Carrot Top.

Readers-----start your submissions!!

I swear if no one posts anything I will freak the fuck out.

No sleep, a cockroach, and the Sopranos

Whelp its Monday night (ok Tuesday morning) at 1:03 and I'm wired. I'm sure this Pepsi I'm drinking isn't helping. I had a really bad night of sleep last night and it looks like I'm heading that way tonight. I have turned into that chick that can't sleep without having her man at home. Never did I think I would be that person! Of course Bravo is replaying season 1 of Top Chef so of course I'm gonna watch it. Oh yeah I also saw a cockroach in my sunroom, so I sprayed it with Raid for about 5 minutes straight until it started to twitch and die. I left it lying there on the floor because I'm afraid to touch it, and also I want Scott to look at it...and pick it up. Hey at least I took out the trash and even cleaned up the house a bit. Give me some credit. Geez that whole paragraph sounds like a lame ass Shania Twain song. "ain't got no man, killed a cockroach, (twangy twangy), can't sleep, oh no, got my house cleaaaaaannnn..." [I'm guessing everyone has stopped reading by now?]

Anyone out there watching the Sopranos? Goddamn, do I love that show. I'm getting sad though since only 3 episodes remain, and I keep coming up with all of these theories about the bloodbath (I assume?) that will happen. I've been loyal to the show for quite a long time...more loyal than to any other show I think I've ever been. Well, except for Sesame Street when I was a kid. I digress. So here are some of my theories about what could possibly happen--oh, and if you don't want to find out any information (i.e. if you aren't up to date on the show), you may not want to read.

1. Adriana isn't dead. This has been my hope since she was "killed off"--offscreen. Who was her "killer"? Sil. Are they in cahoots together with the Feds? Maybe. That would be an awesome ass story--they come back to rat out everyone.
2. Paulie dies. I think this is practically inevitable...but...another option is that he goes and joins Phil Leotardo's crew. And then dies.
3. Bobby gets arrested for the sloppy ass murder he committed in the laundry room at the very beginning of these final episodes. Who really cares what happens to Janice.
4. AJ commits suicide. Eh? Not sure on that one. Wouldn't be all that shocking tho.
5. Meadow serves no purpose. Yeah just a general statement so I think that she'll probably keep serving no purpose.
6. Carm...I really haven't figured out what happens to her yet.
7. Tony...I'm not sure if I see him kicking the bucket. I think his downfall will involve the Feds, not weapons. Hey, he ratted out those "Arabs" to them as a favor, so I see that as foreshadowing. Meaning, that favor will come in handy.
8. Chris, well, we already know what happened to him.

I dunno there are so many possibilities...yet another reason why I'm sitting on my couch instead of sleeping. Geez, only 3 eps left. What will I do on Sunday nights then? Hopefully Big Love comes back soon. I love that scandalous Polygamy shit.

Oh yeah something interesting...this weekend Anita asked me if I knew anyone famous in DC. Whelp, now I do, as one of the very important folk at the Pentagon that I work with ended up having a very interesting (if not perplexing) story on the front page of the Washington Post today! Read here. All I will say--I wish I got to work with him more, I could learn so much. He's a very intelligent man and I have a lot of respect for that--and for the fact that he is quite young and in such a high position of power in the DoD. End work chat.

Still waiting for my bike.

Still waiting for Scotty to get back from San Fran, which he deems "too emo".

Apparently turning 25 has made me not be able to handle the effects of caffeine anymore! I am so done with this post.

Awww

After having a pretty rough day (probably one of the more shittier birthdays I can remember), I was sitting on my couch, relaxing, trying to forget that today ever happened when I heard a knock at my door. Of course I was scared shitless at first because I'm home alone, but then I saw a "Happy Birthday" balloon bobbing around in the window. OOOOH! So I open the door and its an adorable "cake" made out of flowers, with candles in it and everything! And even cuter, it was from Scott's parents. AWWW. Honestly it made my evening about 100 times better.

Here's a picture of it. It's really the cutest thing ever!

Photos for your viewing pleasure!

Since I've just been posting boring random ass ramblings I figured everyone might enjoy some photos. So, here goes.

First, 2 photos from the "Britain on the Green" (or something) car show we went to on the Sunday of the weekend of Mel. You can see in photo #1 some of the cars and the fact that I am thrilled to be there. Photo #2 is a lovely shot of the Potomac.





Next, some of my birthday presents. We celebrated Tuesday night since Scotty has to travel for work (and is already gone :-(). I got these beautiful flowers that included few roses (he knows I don't like them) and that did include both tulips and gerbera daisies (which I love). They are still blooming, and yes I am no Barefoot Contessa I can't arrange flowers for shit, so forgive me.



Finally here is...my new bike helmet, that goes with my NEW BIKE!!! I have been wanting a bike since we moved here and whelp, I got it! Well at least I have the helmet, the bike is on its way. But umm that helmet is pretty damn sweet so you know the bike will be rockin.



That's all for now folks. Enjoy!!

Smoky Mountains and a Small Car

Whelp, I made it home alive from Minis on the Dragon 2007. Damn that is one crazy road. I think they claim it has 318 turns in 11 miles. Needless to say, I was on the verge of vomiting about half of the time we were driving on it. The midnight run we did on Saturday with like, 80-100 other Minis was the worst of them all--I was literally choking down the vomit because my genius boyfriend got his windows tinted hours before and I couldn't roll the window down. But, I kept all the vomit in and all was well. The Smoky Mountains are really beautiful. The air was clean, there was no cell phone service, barely any internet, and I don't think we had a phone or clock in the room. It was definetely in redneck country and we saw many "sweet dudes" in pickup trucks with their rebel flag license plates/stickers/etc. While I think I would go back and visit the area, I don't think I could stay there longer than a few days. I began to feel trapped there, because there was no actual city within like, 30 miles of where we were. I dunno...I'm no wilderness girl. Shocking I know.

In other news, my birthday is coming up and I dread it as it gets closer. Best thing is, I actually keep forgetting about it so that's good. Shit on Thursday I'll prolly even forget its my birthday and come off looking like an idiot. I've been very good about not telling people at work about it, hopefully no one does anything stupid.

Oh yes, we did take some sweet video of us driving on the Dragon and hopefully I can either post that or a link to it at some point. I was the one videotaping so the actual video will probably make you nauseated with all the shaking. Hey I'm no professional. Until then here are some pictures from people who are (sort of) professionals at killboy.com. They pretty much make a living taking a selling photos of people driving the dragon. Here are a couple decent ones to hold you over:

Numero Uno
Numero Dos
Numero uh Tres
OK this isn't us but this car is sweet
Last one, you get the point

SOoooo, the photos are neat but you really need video to get it. I probably won't get that up till next week since Scotty will be out of town starting Wednesday.

Oh well, enjoy the photos till then!

To Tennessee...or North Carolina? I go

Whelp I've been neglecting my bloggy again and I feel bad. I bet everyone has been crying big crocodile tears over it too...hahahahahhahahhha I'm funny.

So anyhoo the "weekend of Mel" (which was really the "day of Mel") ended up being really fun. I made Scott go to Mount Vernon with me, and we really enjoyed ourselves. Mount Vernon is where George Washington lived for many years of his life and in fact he, Martha Washington, and many family members are buried there. The house is up on a hill overlooking the Potomac river...and it's really gorgeous. Of course, I neglected to bring the camera with me. Those would have been awesome photos. But luckily, we live like 5 miles from the damn place so I can go back anytime I please. I highly recommend a visit. My day also involved me getting ice cream! YEAHHH!

So tomorrow morning we are off to "Mini's on the Dragon" in like Tennessee or North Carolina or some state that is like far away from here. I am not looking forward all that much to this--mostly because it's like 10 hours in a very small, non-smooth riding car, and it's also going to rain for 4 days straight, and I've got to hang with wacky Mini Cooper people all weekend. Scott said "oh we'll find fun stuff to do I'll plan something romantic" but I'm sure that will involve a case of Heinekin and a pack of Camels. Oh well. Can't win 'em all.

I am, however, looking forward to my trip to Columbus next weekend to see Anita and hopefully Kristen so we can all cry over turning 25.

Other than that...work is insane, today was insane in a not good way. All days can't be good though...shit I'm just gonna do what I gotta do to get that paycheck. And vacation days. And make as many connections to important people as I can. And learn my way around the Pentagon. OK, so I go to work for many reasons. Whatever. This section definetly has no point so just ignore what I'm saying. My apologies.

I feel like I should post a link to something or a video cause I've been really slacking on that shit lately...

Do you like math? What do you know about it? LOL