people can be absolutely disgusting

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27955316/

did you hear about this? people at wal-mart in NY this morning were basically tearing off the doors to get in the store for all the "deals" (OMG! deals!) that they trampled and killed someone and apparently caused another woman to have a miscarriage.

this is literally the most revolting thing i've heard in a long time. to these assholes, i say take your fucking broke ass home. you probably can't afford to buy that $400 tv that you're tearing down the door to get to anyway. its just stuff, people. fucking junk that will be rendered useless in a few years when a newer and better model comes out anyway and then you've just got more shit sitting around your trailer that you have no space for. how does your holiday season feel now that you killed someone to get a deal? not so merry now, is it?

yeah, well you deserve to feel like shit. and hopefully you do.

The absolute, lamest, worst, there are no adjectives to describe the disgust i have for this show....

Dancing with the Stars.

1. Why is it on?
2. If you watch it, why?
3. Even more so, why do you and 30 million other American households watch it? Like, all ya'll collectively as a group with bad taste?
4. I threw up in my mouth a little watching...whoever these 2 people are...dance to Funky Town. Looks like big football man. Dancing to fucking FUNKY TOWN.
5. I asked Scott (well more stated aggressively), "People WATCH this?"
6. He said, rather drunkenly, "This is like, the number one show."
7. I know that. That wasn't the answer I was looking for.
8. Oh, the judges. Oh my god. I thought I couldn't stomach American Idol. This is vitriolic. Is that word a proper descriptor for my feelings? I'm not really sure, it just came out. I also really like the word vapid, but I felt it wasn't as appropriate.
9. Fuck it, its vapidly vitriolic.
10. Now, if you wanna talk about some good tv, let's talk about Real Housewives of Atlanta. Because now THAT, that is some shit I can get into. It is the opposite of being vapidly vitriolic, in my highly educated opinion.

my mundane existence (e or a? man i can't spell for SHIT anymore)

Yeah so, Scott is still out of town, I'm still going stir crazy and not getting enough sleep. But lately, I have had all this like, um what do you call it...energy? initiative? desire to like do stuff? I think its a result of the all-natural thyroid supplements I've been taking for about 3 weeks now. Either way, I'm like a nut lately. I've been jogging with Mr. Coops twice daily and I voluntarily raked leaves yesterday. Even though I raked like friggin hardcore for an hour, the yard still looks like a shite pile. We'll just let Scott fix that on Saturday. Me, generous you say? I know. Please, hold your applause.

Anyhoo, so I get up this morning after jogging twice (I keep wanting to say thrice because it is a way cooler word, but alas I did not jog thrice..ly? in one day. Hheheheh. Good shit.) and going on the aforementioned maniacal burst of raking and my body was like, "fuck you". I mean my back, my neck - basically my upper body was just friggin killing me. I went out and jogged this morning and felt a little better, but by time I got to work and parked my ass in a non-ergonomically correct chair for a couple of hours, I felt like a 70 year old lady with osteoporosis. 

Now, to me, the moral of the story is - don't do yard work, because it's hazardous to your health. I bet Scott will see it differently because we all know my ass is out there Saturday raking and bagging and raking and bagging and swearing and whatever. Next residence will be a condo with no yard to speak of. Mark my words. Fuck this "house with a nice fenced in yard and lots of trees" bullshit. Overrated. 

My hypoallergenic dog has allergies

Oh, the irony. 

bitch slap me, i forgot to blog

Well ok, I didn't forget that much, just a little bit, moreso I was busy and didn't have much to blog about. And since I try not to make this a political blog since there are thousands out there that can do it better than I can, there just hasn't been much else to talk about other than damn politics! But, I will say I'm excited, I'm sooo soooooo excited at the prospect of actually going to DC to see a Presidential Inauguration, I'm determined to figure out how to get tickets to an Inaugural Ball, and quite honestly, I'm actually interested in politics again. After the 2004 election, I gave up, stopped caring, and got quite disillusioned. I think this has pulled me out of my funk.

Erm, what else. So Scott is leaving me for Vegas next week for a conference and that means I'll have to be home alone, which also means that I'll be dead tired all week from being so damned paranoid about being alone in the house that I won't be able to sleep. Happens every time I'm home alone overnight. Call me a pussy, whatever, fuck you. Have the random Tuesday holiday off work, which will be nice, I feel like I should come up with something neato to do but I'll probably sit on my ass all day with a super big gulp Diet Coke and the Food Network, trying to learn how to make shit that will never come out as good as how it does on TV. Oh well, I give myself a B- for effort at least.

So...hmm. What else can I talk about...ohh yes. Major tasks for this weekend - removing summer clothes from closet, finding all of my sweaters, doing 30 loads of laundry, sweeping up all of the leaves in our house (thank you Mr. Coops, velcro fur extraordinaire), and trying to get out of helping Scott do leaf removal from the yard. Its so bad you can't even see that we have a lawn - its ALL leaves. Oh sweet jebus. Also looking forward to some wine tasting on Saturday with the ladies, and then probably heavy drinking after the wine tasting because why not, there are bars nearby. And if you see a bar, the only logical thing to do is go in it and drink some damn beer. 

idiot = moi

i was out running a multitude of errands today (the priority of which was, find dress to wear to wedding that is in like, 6 days, and i came home without one...again!) when i decided to make a stop at the grocery store, one of my favorite places on earth. i went to the overpriced one today, just because i like it, they have neat and different stuff and lots of free samples. so la de dah, i'm meandering around, filling my cart with things i really don't need, when i finally realize that we are driving back to ohio on wednesday and will be there until sunday. i.e., i only need like, 2.5 days of food. 

shit.

so back i go, returning my lovely asparagus and my salad mix, some prepared stuffed chicken, and a ton of other items. i bet i looked like a real idiot, i figured people thought that i like, couldn't afford the items i bought (which hahahahahah i can't but i buy anyways!), which bothered me for some reason, so i tried to be all sly about it. so this whole debacle turned into like, 1.5 hours at the grocery store to buy 1/8 cartful of random things, many of which we have to consume by wednesday when we pull out of the driveway. looking forward to many turkey sandwiches between now and then!

but yeah, i'm an idiot!

i also went to marshall's to look for a dress (picked up a sweater and ironing board cover instead so not a total loss) and i about lost my shit when some people who were of a certain...how do i say it in PC terms...well whatever, let their kids run around the store like it was a fucking toys r us. ya know, some people like to shop in a calm environment - which is why some of us go out and shop when stores OPEN, so douchebags like the ones i encountered today likely aren't at the store yet with their filthy horribly mannered children. at one point, i gave the one kid a very nasty look and i think i scared him. hahahah thats right! see, situations like this just keep on confirming for me that i will probably never have kids, and if i did, you'd all feel sorry for them.

"She put it in the whore section of her purse!" - Artie Lange

Yeah, I have a sick liking for the Howard Stern show on Sirius. It makes my morning commute a little less shitty. If you want to know the story that statement was in relation to, just think limo, whores, and condoms, and you got yerself a winner. 

In other news, I lost 4 pounds, which is quite exciting as over the past couple of years it has become nearly impossible for me to lose weight. On the other hand, I can look at a cookie and it like, melds itself to my hips. Odd, ain't it? 

Which brings me to my amazing fucking story. Amaaaazing. So I'm at the gyno today, ya know, just chattin' it up about my health (disclaimer: this is not a post about vaginas, so don't get scared...or excited), when she feels my hands. "Holy shit your hands are freezing!" I know, I say. They are...often, actually. Then I tell her, my feet are even worse. So, she feels my toes and is like, same thing. Holy shit. At this point, she's like, "well with everything you're telling me, you have a thyroid problem." Ahhh....alas, little grasshopper, I say (well I didn't call the gyno grasshopper, but you knowz what I sez), I was just tested and the results were more normal than normal can be. I then tell her that I have a Vitamin B12 deficiency, and then she informs me that its shocking because normally only old people have that and it can lead to dementia. Then I make a joke about how wow, that explains a lot durrrrrr and I begin to think she thinks I actually might have dementia. Then she goes off on this wacky tangent about some holistic wacky man they call a "doctor" in DC that I should see, but he's "very expensive" and he could probably offer some "natural remedies" for my "thyroid problem". Errrmmmmm aiite. I actually by this point had even forgotten who I was talking to (i.e., lady part doctor) and I'm like OK, its fucking 5:00 pm, get this shit on the road, I wanna get the fuck outta here.

Moral of the story is, don't be all super friendly to your gyno. You may end up seeing some freaky witch doctor telling him you have dementia and a thyroid problem and drinking expensive magic potions in our nation's capital. 

I know, scary life in the big city, huh?

7-11 is fucking amazing

I really do love the place. Between there and Rite Aid, I know where my paychecks end up.  I went this morning to get what I needed to help my hangover from drinking 2 bottles of wine yesterday - a Super Big Gulp of Diet Coke and my Sunday Washington Post. Oh, and then wolfed a ton of thin crust pizza from Pizza Hut. That helped a lot too. So here's to 7-11, always there when I need it!

Seasonal beers

Well, Anita has started a new thread (not to divert from the thread on 80's movies, but I'm kind of figuring that we can create enough random categories so that we're able to basically say every single 80's movie is the best of something and I lose my interest quickly so I'm over it now, St. Elmo's Fire is still the best and fawk ya'll) on Pumpkin Beers. I thought that all fall Seasonal beers would always have some kind of spice to them, but I can tell ya I have sampled lots so far and some I have no idea as to why they are called Seasonal beers in the fall. Case in point - at one of our favorite bars, Bilbo Baggins, where I was able to do a little beer sampler, I picked all 3 of their Seasonal offerings. They all sucked. So, the guy nicely took them back for me, pretended I never ordered them, and gave me the Dogfish Head Pumpkin Beer instead. Not too shabby - but, not the right balance of Pumpkin and Spice, in my humble opinion. Too much spice, not enough Pumpkin. Anita has thrown out Jack's...and one other one I can't remember even though I just read her comment on the movies post about 1.8 seconds ago. Dementia has set in, apparently. Or, just the meds from my dental work this morning. Either way, we need to have a serious discussion on Pumpkin Beers (and I'm ok with seasonals in general, just as long as they do actually represent the FALL SEASON), cause its already mid-October and time is just running out to drink all of them!

Ok. So far, here' my SHORT short list:

Favorite Seasonal: Sam Adams Oktoberfest, draft
Favorite Pumpkin: Willoughby Brewery, draft

I wouldn't place Dogfish Head in 2nd even in terms of pumpkin beers. Its been a long time since I've had others...looks like I have my work cut out for me in the coming weeks. Anyone care to throw some sticks on the fire?

Oh yah and obviously I never learned how to write because that paragraph I just wrote is fucking huge. Sorry. Noelle, help me O' English teacher of greatness! Like, why do I keep capitalizing the word Pumpkin when its not a proper noun? I dunno. I'm a dumby pants.

Discuss. Not my stupidity, but the beer.