Diversity and Groceries?

Grew up in Mentor, Ohio. Went to college in Athens, Ohio. Went to graduate school in Bowling Green, Ohio. What’s the connection here? (Cue the Jeopardy music…)

Thank you, Captain Obvious; I know that all of those places are in Ohio. What I’m referring to is the fact that I’ve been living in pretty un-diverse (non-diverse?) atmospheres for my entire life. Well, up until now that is. I’m now shocked when I can go anywhere or buy anything where the person I’m speaking to has a decipherable accent. The man at the gas station who could not comprehend the concept of CAMEL LIGHTS, on the other hand, did not. I feel like my food is always f-ed up @ restaurants, everything seems to take twice as long, and I’m often frustrated by doing the things that used to be simple, even relaxing activities for me. Take, for example, grocery shopping.

Those of you that know me well know that grocery shopping is one of my favorite, most relaxing things to do. Surely not the most budget-friendly, but I figure it’s better than sitting in a martini bar. OK bad comparison. Anyhoo, I’ve come to find that I have not had one relaxing, enjoyable grocery store experience since I moved here. Here are the reasons why:

1. Prices. I really cannot fathom why groceries are so much more expensive here than they were in Ohio. Does it really cost more to ship a frozen pizza here? Doubt it. And the prices of milk? My god! That cow better be shitting gold if I’m paying these kinds of prices for a gallon of milk that ultimately will go rotten in a couple of weeks when we fail to drink it.

2. Where is Super Wal-Mart?

3. Rudeness. People are just honestly, generally rude. No “excuse me please” or waiting patiently while I grab a few shallots in the produce section before they grab theirs. Nope, just go ahead, cut right in front of me, while I’m quite obviously busy. Yeah while you’re at it take up the whole damn aisle too. I love that.

4. The weekly specials. Ah yes, I love when I get all those Sunday ads and I can see the weekly specials. Which, I will admit, are pretty decent considering. I clip my coupons (which I have now resorted to in attempt to save any fraction of a dollar) and go to the store. What do I find? Every single item on special has been completely cleared out. 10 pizzas for $10? An entire freezer section gone. Frozen breaded chicken tenders on sale? Shelves cleared out. No wonder people are overweight. No wonder people are poor.

5. Carts. Typically, when I go to a store I expect there to be a row of carts so one is available when I arrive. Here, I find more often than not that there are no carts to be found. Nope, they are all scattered out in the parking lot, looking for a car to scrape. When we had the first snow a couple weeks ago, I was beyond thrilled to find that the workers at a certain grocery store are too scared of a few flurries to go out and retrieve any carts from the parking lot. Nope, I had to scrape one off myself, drag it inside through the slush, find something to wipe it off with, and then proceed to get my expensive Coach bag wet. Now that makes for a really excellent stress-free shopping experience.

6. Hello? Super Wal-Mart? Anyone?